Have you ever felt dejected? I have. Repeatedly having it since the past 8 weeks.
Standing next to the patients' bed with the smartest men and not being acknowledged at all.
I have had the days where I did not have the slightest courage to even ask "What is going on with the patient?".
I have been made to feel like I am useless, only in people's way. That, my friends, the worst ever thing that you could make anyone feel.
I have had days where I had to hold tears, with flushed face, shaking just because of rejections.
What I meant by rejections is me coming up to the clinicians, " Hi, do you have anything that I can help you with? I am doing........." after having myself introduced.
I had met " No, sorry" as a reply repeatedly, be it either from a smiling face trying to be empathetic or from stern-do-not-disturb-me-look.
And I am still learning to keep doing the same thing, telling myself I will only come out of this stronger. Question is, will I ever come out of this? Is that what I really want? No, rejections will be part of my life as I will always need to look out for people or learning opportunities and not all the time they will accept me or the world will go round and let me have it. So, I just have to never give up.
I have to be stronger and take everything as it is and keep searching for other better things waiting for me. Wait, are they really waiting for me? Probably not, I just have to search and grab them right away. That is what I have come to understand. This is life.
I have made myself to promise to always try be a good teacher all the time, but that doesn't mean I can't say no at all, I just have to be nice and understanding.